2. Don’t attack a shark. The chances of them attacking you are slim, so let’s call it even.
3. Smile and appreciate your one row of pretty teeth, instead of the multiple rows that sharks have. And if you have some shark teeth happening in there, smile anyway. They look cool!
4. Refer to every person you meet as “chum”.
5. Make that Jaws “duh-nuh” sound every time you walk up behind somebody.
6. Anytime a challenge arises, quote Roy Scheider from Jaws saying, “You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
7. Don’t eat a Great White shark. They are known to have high mercury levels which could leave you mad as a hatter.
8. Pretend that if you have to be in constant motion to keep breathing, like most sharks. Then, when you are out of breath in about 10 minutes, take a nap.
9. Tell your kids that they are lucky that you feed them. Baby sharks have to find food on their own. After they call you “lame” or a “nerd”, make them dinner anyway.
10. Go around knocking on people’s doors and when they ask who it is, you say, “Land Shark”.
11. Hug a shark. Wait!!! On second thought. Look at a shark . . . through aquarium glass . . . from far away. Or even better still, maybe just some photos.
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